Monster Squad (1987)

Watching Monster Squad for the first time – as a capital A Adult – I couldn’t help but feel short-changed by my childhood. Why hadn’t I seen this movie? It’s basically Goonies with classic horror monsters. Young Jon would have lost his shit to see this.  More brains…

House (1986)

How do I describe House? It’s very 80′s. It’s a B-Movie.

And I’m already out of adjectives…. this doesn’t bode well for Summer of Horror 2014. I’ll start by describing the plot, and maybe that will clear the writer’s block.  More brains…

I’m starting to get sick of saying the words, “I can’t believe it’s here already”, but it’s the truest thing that comes to mind at times like this.

It’s Summer, which officially begins on Saturday, but has begun in the hearts of Phoenix residents like myself the day we had to keep running the air conditioning through the middle of the night. We will not know the state of not-hot until roughly October. But that’s OK (kind of), because I have Summer of Horror!

The bigger, bloodier sequel to last year’s Summer-long horror movie marathon, Summer of Horror 2014 will continue my own horror film education with more bonafide classics, cult classics, modern masterpieces, and obscure curiosities. Like last year, I will review every movie I watch on this site, grouped into threes. Unlike last year, I will not be attempting to put them into tidy categories, nor do I plan to follow any chronology or logical order. The movies will be watched in whatever time frame and order is most convenient. I also want to involve more collaborators this year, and make it more of a group project. So if you know me (and if you’re reading this site, odds are you do), and want to join in on the fun, the more the merrier. I will try to announce which films I’m planning to watch in advance.

If you will permit a small amount of back-patting, I’m rather fond of this new Halloween tradition. Scope creep though it may be, it feels to me like an organic way to slowly ramp into the Halloween season, which takes the torch promptly at the passing of Summer. Before we know it, Costco will be rolling out their annual one or two Halloween props, way too early. Then Michael’s will jump in and all hell breaks loose. It may come too quickly every year, but I still can’t wait.

Let the Summer of Horror commence…

Some strange patterns have emerged lately in the theatrical release dates department. Logically, the best time to release a horror movie in theaters would be September or October …. right? Why not capitalize on society’s seasonal fascination with spooky? Somehow, movie studios have collectively agreed that the entire month of October now belongs to whichever annual horror franchise is the current top dog, and there’s no room for anything else (currently the top dog is Paranormal Activity). As a result the studios seem to be left without a clear time frame in which to dump all their unproven new horror films into theaters. “Unproven” in this case meaning “not a franchise or a remake”.  More brains…

Every year there seems to be a horror movie that gets released to moderate to high acclaim in the middle of the Halloween season, and try as I might to see it, I end up being too busy to do so before Halloween is over. Then, even if it comes out on video before the end of the year, I’m in no mood for horror.

I know I’m the weird one here. I know most people – if they can stomach horror movies at all – can watch them at pretty much any time of year. But as you may well realize, Halloween is sacred to me, and horror movies are such a large component I am compelled to keep them in a Summer-Autumn box. February is normally way out of season for horror in my life, but I needed to see The Conjuring. Too many people have told me as much.  More brains…

A lesson that always stuck in my brain from “reading” class in elementary school was that fictional stories should have an introduction (moderate), a rising action (long), a climax (momentary), a falling action (brief), and a resolution (very brief). It applies to more than just fiction. For me, this Halloween was a story. August, when the first fickle signs of Halloween started poking out, was the introduction. September and the first part of October, with all their glorious horror movie marathons and decorating binges, was the rising action. The party was the climax. The past few days of reflection and lower key Halloween revelry was the falling action.

Today is the resolution.  More brains…

Plastic skeletons

Corn syrup blood

Cotton spider webs

AMC Fear Fest

Signs at Target that say “Fright Done Right”

Neon colored hair spray

Spirit Halloween stores

Pumpkin beer

Pumpkin bread

Pumpkin anything More brains…

With the Camp Awesome Halloween Hootenanny behind us, and currently being drafted into the annals of history, it’s easy for me to consider Halloween over. But it’s not! There are still two entire days left of revelry, including Phase III!  More brains…

From the moment I got out of bed this morning (about 8:30 am) until right now (11 pm), I have been working on getting the house ready for Halloween. The haunted house, primarily. I left myself time to eat a quick lunch, and a quick dinner, but there was no time for a shower until about 15 minutes ago. From setting up the graveyard to the haunted house dress rehearsal, it was 12 hours of perpetual motion. I don’t remember ever working this hard, for this long of a sustained period of time, on anything. But I absolutely love it. Love of the game was the energy I was burning. It seems practically limitless.

In two nights, I’ll see the fruits of this labor. It will be exciting. It will be chaotic. It will go by in a flash. In certain ways, it may even be disappointing. But I know it will be worth it in the end.

If you’re reading this, you’re probably not the person I need to say this to. But I’m going to say it anyway.

All I ask is that you enjoy the party.

Never have the words “labor of love” been more appropriate for me. As much as I’d like to do so, I can’t dictate when people arrive or when they leave. I’d love for everyone to stay far into the morning hours and stumble away utterly spent, as I will be doing. But for however long you stay, please just have a good time. That is what will make all of this worth it.

See you on Saturday night.

One thing I like about my neighborhood is it gets a lot of trick or treaters. Which is interesting, because it’s a fairly old neighborhood of middle-middle class dwellings, which means it could easily be a trick or treating dead zone. I remember growing up in an extremely similar neighborhood (pretty close by, in fact), and as my friends and I outgrew trick or treating, so did the neighborhood. I still remember lamenting at age 17 that the act of trick or treating may be going extinct, when in fact, the truth was far less depressing - young parents starting families were all going North, to the newer, nicer suburbs of the city. In those places, trick or treating is alive and well. They close off entire streets for it.  More brains…